I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
