Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
