I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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