when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
