she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
