lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
