I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
