It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the liver wants what the liver wants
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
