Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
