We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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