the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
