At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
