Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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