you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
