I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
