He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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