I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
