My room smells like vodka and shame
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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