Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
