I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
