I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
