i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
