Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
