My room smells like vodka and shame
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
