THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
