That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
