How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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