Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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