living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
