how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
