Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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