just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
