I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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