btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
