If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
