brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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