I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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