I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
