i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
