Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
