i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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