they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
