i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My life is pants optional.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
