I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
