Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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