is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
