why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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