so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
