those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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