i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
