obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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