Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
