i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
