i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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