Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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