Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
