She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
