that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
