Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
