i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
