the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
