am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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