Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
