I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
