Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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