I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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